Kanye West Did Something Assuredly Important

Hi, there. How are you? Hope that rash is clearing up nicely. No? Okay, here's a soothing balm of comedy in the form of a Quorum update. This update is brought to you in part by a man named Rob who I used to spoon in public before English class. He was a good sport. And that's why I love Jesus.

But enough about me, Rob, our totally heterosexual friendship and my need for validation through the internet, let's talk about something that's been on my mind for, literally, the past 10 minutes.

Today Kanye West did some shit. It was different from that time he did some other shit and not as bad as that time that other shit went down.

According to "Google" which I believe is a magical portal through which you can have the interweb fetch you proverbial frisbees of information and, y'know, other things that us techo-savvy kids love. Like jet packs. And dinosaurs. And the way corrugated boxes smell. The google fetched me a news item about Kanye after I typed in "Kan yay" and it said "Did you mean "Kanye"? And I said "yes" but apparently the computer is not like the computers in Star Trek that respond when you talk to them. I had to push a button.

After I pushed a button, I learned that Kanye was very mean or something. There was some girl who was blonde and is called Taylor Swift and looks like Joss Stone but isn't Joss Stone, I think, but I'm not entirely sure what Joss Stone looks like. I do know what Joss Whedon looks like. He won an Emmy other night. So that's pretty good. Kanye rushed the stage for that as well. I may have some facts there wrong.

So Kanye and this woman who may or may not be Joss Stone had some kind of struggle over a statue of Neil Armstrong. It was possible it was not Neil Armstrong. Maybe it was Lance Armstrong. Yes that sounds more accurate.

You see Joss Stone is a bicyclist who won an award for best bicyclist and Kanye got upset about this because he has been bicycling for his entire life. Kanye then teamed up with Joss Whedon and the two bicycled up to the stage and did some sick jumps. And then they stole the award. And gave it to not-Joss Stone, aka "That Girl from Goldmember."

According to the google, Kanye has history of being angry about bicycling. There are videos of him being so angry about bicycling that he yells about it.

My first bicycle was a ten-speed.

The end of this post has been reached. Please insert side two.

And by "Please insert" I mean "I totally boned" and by "side two" I mean "your mom and sister."

Choco-tacos!

-Rory.